Alternate universes collide over Kemptville

Few things can turn a government bureaucracy upside-down like an election.

The alternate versions of today’s story on the Kemptville College facilitator attest to this. Thanks to the upended machinery of Ontario’s government, I felt as though I were indulging in my other great passion and writing a work of science fiction.

More specifically, I was working on a story of two parallel universes. (There is ample precedent for alternate realities in politics…)

In Universe A, the provincial government appoints former federal agriculture minister Lyle Vanclief as facilitator in talks to preserve an ag-centred post-secondary institution at Kemptville College. Leeds-Grenville MPP Steve Clark is happy. Glengarry-Prescott-Russell MPP Grant Crack is happy. Brian Carre, head of the Kemptville College Renewal Task Force, is happy, and the good work goes on.

In Universe B, the provincial government appoints former federal agriculture minister Lyle Vanclief as facilitator in talks to preserve an ag-centred post-secondary institution at Kemptville College. The provincial government then says Vanclief cannot get to work until after the June 12 provincial election. Leeds-Grenville MPP Steve Clark is mad, and blames the Liberals for turning a commitment into an election campaign promise. Glengarry-Prescott-Russell MPP Grant Crack is mad, and blames the Progressive Conservatives for forcing an election. Brian Carré is mad because, well, you know, the bureaucrats in Toronto should be no less efficient than the bureaucrats in North Grenville. No work gets done – none of any permanence, at least – until after the election.

For the record, you who read these words today are in Universe B. Those among you who are Star Trek enthusiasts can decide for yourselves which side of the “Mirror, Mirror” that would be.

I, too, am now stuck in Universe B. Except I wasn’t yesterday, for some of the time at least.

The timeline went as follows.

I start the day by calling folks and asking whether the facilitator has been appointed. Eventually, Steve Clark calls me back to say the province has, indeed, appointed Vanclief.

“That’s good news … that they will be moving forward while the election takes place,” he says.

Welcome to Universe A.

An hour or so later, I am speaking to Carré, who tells me his discussions with Queen’s Park bureaucrats indicated that, while Vanclief has been appointed, the entire process is in “pause mode” until after the election.

Welcome to Universe B.

Time for another call to Clark, who is indignant at this reversal.

“It's just another slap in the face to the agricultural community,” he says.

More accusations against the Liberal government ensue, requiring a call to Crack, who is also parliamentary assistant to the province’s ag minister.

Wait a minute, says the former North Glengarry mayor turned Liberal MPP. That’s not exactly how I heard it. Let me give you a call back.

A few minutes later, Carré calls me back and tells me his “pause mode” impression may have been incorrect.

Now we’re back in Universe A.

Another call to Clark, who now decides to keep things tentative and tell me he just hopes the whole process can keep moving during the election.

“I hope that they're able to make some progress over the next six weeks,” he says.

I am midway through my Universe A story when Crack calls me back to say that, in fact, we are back in Universe B.

Cue the accusations, and the counter-accusations by Clark.

As far as I know, we are still in Universe B, where political and bureaucratic time moves at a fraction of the speed it displays in Universe A.

But we may still be in a situation where bureaucratic confusion, and different ministries opposing each other in matter-antimatter-like opposition, can cause rifts between universes.

In fact, for the next six months, we may all be in an Orwellian universe in which both realities, although contradictory, are to be held true at the same time.

I only hope that, come June 13, we will all wake up in the same universe.